General Category => What's Your Story? Tell us. => Topic started by: esokatz on November 26, 2018 at 10:30 AM

Title: Introduction
Post by: esokatz on November 26, 2018 at 10:30 AM

I wanted to introduce myself to the group. I am currently 22 + 6 weeks pregnant. Last year, I lost my first child at 17 + 6 weeks due to PPROM. The shock of losing my baby last year, the lack of answers, and the inability of the doctors to help me understand how this happened (it was too late) caused me much grief over the year and made this pregnancy difficult to "accept" and enjoy. Fast forward to now: I am on bedrest with a cerclage and have "finally" been diagnosed with incompetent cervix. I have a new doctor watching me this time and he has been very attentive. Because I didn't know I had incompetent cervix and because I have had recurring infections throughout this pregnancy, my doctor decided not to give me a preventative cerclage for this pregnancy and we decided the best course of action was for me to be regularly moitored. Everything looked great — at 16 weeks I had a cervical length of 4.5 cm, but at 18 weeks I felt pelvic pressure and decided to be "safer than sorry." It turned out that my cervix was funneling from the inside (but closed) and I had a functional length of 0.8 cm. The week after, they were able to give me the cerclage (I had to get rid of a yeast infection prior). Since then, I have remained "stable" although I believe I am "funneled to the stitch" with 1.7 cm.

Incompetent cervix is very likely the cause of my loss last year; before my membranes ruptured, I had back pains for about two days, which I now think were labor pains.

The thing I struggle with the most throughout this period is the absolute horror/dread/fear I have of something "unexpected" happening although I * rationally * know that my doctor has done everything he can to prevent the worst from happening and that I am in good care. I have no faith in my body. I may be admitted on Wednesday for a steroid shot in case my daughter were to arrive early, and I have had regular checkups with my doctor since the cerclage (vaginal ultrasounds, swabs for infections, etc.) Anytime I feel any kind of symptom, however, I immediately lose my cool, whether it's vulvar irritation, pressure from baby, or anything else. I wish, more than anything, that I could remain "cool" throughout this time. I have periods where I am able to relax and calm down, but I am very guilty of "googling my symptoms" which has really brought me more grief than help. I wonder whether anyone has tips for how to deal with the psychological side of this condition?
Thank you so much. I appreciate any help or comments.
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: HeatherB on November 28, 2018 at 07:49 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss! What you are going through now is also very difficult! I'm not a pyschologist but I think it is important that you affirm your feelings are normal. It is ok to be scared and jumpy. You experienced a huge loss and your current pregnancy has many difficulties as well. Remind yourself that all pregnancies are different and you have made it further this time with more understanding and support from your doctor. Remind yourself of the positives but dont best yourself up when you become scared.

I see an MFM. His receptionist told me that he saw a patient 3 times a week with an ultrasound each time to monitor her closely. Maybe your doctor could check you more often and that would help you feel better.
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: tdgdeguz on November 28, 2018 at 04:00 PM
Hi there I’m sorry for your loss. I too lost my first born daughter Ella at 19wks + 6days last year due to infection/IC. I’m now 23wks + 2days and on bedrest since 20wks with a cerclage and havw been siagnosed with IC. Similarly, I had close monitoring with swabs, blood tests and scans my cervix was measured long up until 20wk scan where we literally watch my cervix from closed to open in 5mins.

That night I was admitted for an emergency cerclage and put on hospital bedrest (with bathroom / shower and wheelchair priviliges).

Pregnancy after loss is definitely different and difficult. I found that it was important for me to have support and joined a support group with couples who have gone through the same experience.

I also continued with the practice of meditation 20mins at the start of my day focussed on reducing anxiety and stress with my essential oils diffusing in the background. Before I sleep I do 20mins before going to sleep focussed on restful sleep. I’ve continued this practice even in my hospital bedrest.

I also picked activities that I enjoyed doing that I never had time to do so before like a knitting project, a cross stitch project, learning another language online and as Christmas is around the corner I started making Christmas cards 😊

I found that it helped me write my worries, feara and anxities down and then put them away in a box.

Take everyday as a success, my milestone is 30wks but I’ve broken them down to getting to 24wks, then 26wks, then 28wks so that it doesnt seem so long. It is a marathon that we are running but everyday is an achievement that my little girl is with me 😊
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: esokatz on June 03, 2019 at 05:41 AM
Hello All,

I just wanted to thanks those who responded for their kind remarks and tips. They meant a lot to me while I was on bedrest. My daughter was born at 40 weeks + 5 days (!) and is now a healthy two-month old. I spent about four months on bedrest with a cervix of 1 cm .. and in the end I had to "evict" the baby with a castor oil cocktail.
 For those mothers on the other side, please know that it can end well .. and once your baby is here, bedrest will feel like another lifetime.

All the best to you mothers!
Title: Re: Introduction
Post by: Daizy_Gurl on June 04, 2019 at 11:12 AM
 Amazing news!!! 👍😊🙌 I’m a FTM team 💚🌈 👶 and am finishing up what I hope is the last week of my 10weeks bed rest journey as I’ll be 34weeks. I remember being diagnosed with a short cervix at 19 weeks and feeling so scared that I would t make it to this point. While in the moment bed rest feels lengthy looking back now it has gone by quickly and in way less time I’ll have our little one in my arms. 🥰

Thank you for sharing your success story. 😘 I found this time has helped strengthen my mindset of being grateful and a reminder that all of the little moments are going to go by quickly too so to cherish them.