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Topics - maddoxsmommy7

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / 33 Weeks, Day 25 of bed rest
« on: September 21, 2018 at 08:55 AM »
Hello.  My name is Chelsea.  I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first child, a baby boy.  At 29 weeks I went for my routine check up and was admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure.  After 2 days in the hospital I was sent home to remain on bed rest.  I have been admitted to the hospital 3 more times, when leaving the house for my once a week check up, due to my blood pressure.  Now I just plan to be admitted every time I go to the doctor.  My doctor has taken to calling me at home.  She believes my body is forming preeclampsia and at that time she will go ahead and take my son out.  They have a limit of high blood pressure where they immediately remove the baby and I have come with in 2 points twice now.  I am hoping to make it to at least 36 weeks as to limit the time my baby will have to spend in the NICU.  Each passing day that seems harder.  My doctor has told me to prepare for him to arrive any day.

I am a 6th grade teacher and my district offers no paid maternity leave or short term disability.  HR actually told me yesterday that if I take longer then 12 weeks, (which I will considering I have already missed 4) my school can legally fire me.  My principal has assured me she is not going to fire me, but still it adds to the toll of emotions that I a already feeling.  This week is when the depression has really set in.  My husband and mother have been amazing, but there is only so much they can do to help. 

I feel like a bad mommy and my son isn't even here yet.  It is my body that is causing the problems effecting him.  There are some moments I secretly wish to go into labor so this can be over with.  Then I feel an enormous amount of guilt because I am wishing for my son to be born premature and spend weeks in the NICU.  I just feel so overwhelmed, scared, and out of control. 

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