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Messages - littlemissamanda

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It has been a while since I posted! Hope everyone is doing well.

Yesterday, I made it to 36 weeks. The relief is tremendous. Tomorrow, I get to "ditch the stitch" and from then, it will be a waiting game. The hospital bag is packed and I *think* we have everything ready! I am so grateful for all of the support and encouragement I found on here; there were some very dark days, especially at the beginning. The "We've made it" posts I read at the beginning of my journey gave me so much hope, so I hope I can offer that same hope to someone else.

Amanda

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Hi all!

I haven't been on here for a few weeks; the kids have been enrolled in summer day camps so ferrying them back and forth, plus getting ready for our little one has meant that I haven't really been online much. We had two mini "setbacks" since I last posted. I was admitted to L&D the week before last because of decreased movements. I found out that I have an anterior placenta, so I'm not feeling baby move around as much. We could see baby moving on the ultrasound, but I wasn't feeling it. At L&D, I was also told that baby is breech. So now I am doing the stretches and tricks to get baby turned. I know in the grand scheme of things, these are not major issues, but I am still a little sad. Kick counts each night are stressful and I worry I won't get the delivery I really want. I know - a healthy baby is all that matters, but I just wanted something to go my way! On the bright side, we're 32w,1d AND baby is already measuring 4lbs. Cannot believe we are almost there! We finally felt ready to put up the crib last week.

Hope everyone is doing well.

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: Back for round 3
« on: June 25, 2018 at 09:30 PM »
So late to the news. Congratulations, EnglishRose. Hope your little one is continuing to do well and your NICU stay is as short as possible.

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Hi all!

I have been MIA for a while. Nothing bad, just starting to get into baby mode. Friends have been donating baby items so I've been doing endless loads of laundry and cleaning! Although I don't miss my strict bed rest and enjoy having more freedom, I am missing having an excuse for not doing the housework!  ;)

My stepchildren finish school this Friday so they are definitely excited about that. We had a scary few days last week; baby seemed to stop moving around as much as he/she had been doing. I had an ultrasound and non-stress test and it seems I have an anterior placenta. Common, I know, but it did make me a little sad. Felt like things had been going so well and then here was another setback. It has made me carve out a couple of quiet times each day to concentrate on my kick counts, since I can barely feel them at times. I wish I could be at more of the group chats but Tuesday afternoons tend to be my doc appointments and then we go straight from there to pick up the children from school.

And 30 weeks . . . woohoo! I never thought I would get this far! :)

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: 28 weeks and feeling hopeless
« on: May 30, 2018 at 09:20 PM »
Marilyn,

I'm gonna jump on the back of what the other '28 week' ladies said! I just reached 28 weeks on Sunday so you're part of our little group! I was diagnosed with a short cervix at 13 weeks when I started miscarrying - my second miscarriage in less than six months. I know how scary it is and I definitely empathize with feeling like your body is failing. If you read back any of my earlier posts, you will probably hear echoes of that exact sentiment. But the truth is, our wonderful bodies have got our babies this far. 28 weeks was the milestone my husband and I could barely hope for, and here we are. Each day now is a blessing; an extra day inside is one less day in the NICU.

My advice is definitely give yourself some time to go through the natural emotions, but also read the success stories on here. Many women who have super short cervixes go onto week 36+ and have healthy babies. Even if baby is born now, we have access to great doctors and medical interventions. I know it is hard, but try to trust your body. Rest up, try to relax (stress can make things worse) and if you have any preterm labor symptoms, call your doctor right away. We're here if you need to chat!

Amanda

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Thank you, OBmom and Jmomma! I am definitely going to go back and insist on an earlier growth scan.

Thanks everyone for your words. One week later and I'm definitely feeling more relaxed about the whole situation. I think I still expect the worst to happen - maybe it's that self-preservation thing. Trying not to get my hopes up for fear of them crashing down. But I also know that I have made it to a huge milestone and I am allowed to breathe and enjoy my pregnancy like other moms!

I genuinely feel very thankful to have "met" so many wonderful people on here. If you had told me, three months ago, that I would be chatting so openly, with women all over the world, about my deepest fears and anxieties, and to feel so connected to them, I wouldn't have believed you! I admire you all for your strength as you progress along your personal journey, as well as the support and compassion you show to others on theirs.


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Yay! So happy for you! :)

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Thank you! My husband is pretty laid back (whereas I am the worrier), but he came away feeling pretty disheartened too. I think I am going to insist on a growth check before week 36 and hopefully when I am done seeing each of the doctors, I can go back to the first one.

We actually have a doppler - one of the nurse's at the doctor's office suggested it since I have been so anxious. I try to limit my use of it to just a few times a week and for a minute or so at a time. It has helped my stepchildren get excited about the baby too. I cannot wait to be able to take kick counts; right now, I have days where I feel baby really clearly and other days where I barely feel him/her at all.

Thanks for listening! I know I have to get out of my negative funk and start looking forward to being a mommy!

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Hi all,

Sorry I haven't replied in so long. My husband decided we needed to upgrade our cars so I have been immersed in research and shopping for the past week or so. It was a welcome distraction.

We are 23w 4d today and had our final cervical length check this week. Cervix looks stable - still in the 3cm range. I was SUPER disappointed with the care I received on Monday and even now, three days later, it's still weighing on my mind. Thought I would share with you all and see if you have any thoughts.

We were told at our last check-up that we would receive no more u/s and although I was super worried at first, time and your feedback made me see that this would be ok. We have only ever received abdominal ultrasounds for fear of upsetting my cervix, but this week, for a reason not shared with me, they decided to do a transvaginal. The woman who performed it was VERY rough and for the rest of the day and into the evening, I experienced some pain and cramping. I was so upset but after resting, it went away. She also didn't even look at baby, nor measure the heartbeat. The doctor measured my belly and said I was the right size for week 23. When I asked about a growth scan, I was told I would receive that at week 36. WEEK 36?? I asked about progesterone and FFN tests again and was told empathically, "No", since I haven't had any signs of PTL. I was close to tears and just came away feeling really scared. My OBGYN practice rotate us through the doctors and they keep saying I cannot go back to my original one (the one who performed my cerclage) until I have met the others. My husband wondered if we should change doctors but it's this one, or the army hospital, or ones that are a very long drive away. And I really liked the first lady. I just don't know what to do now.

I get that ten weeks have passed since my operation and all of my cervical length checks have been 3cm+, no bleeding and no actual (just imagined) scares. Should I just accept that I am doing ok and therefore, start relaxing? Or do I need to go back and be a badass until I get more care? Any thoughts? I know you're not doctors but wondered if you had any advice.

Thank you! Hoping everyone's journeys are still going well.  :)

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: Back for round 3
« on: April 26, 2018 at 12:35 PM »
Hi 23 week ladies!

I haven't been on here so much so it's taken me a while to catch-up on everything. It seems like this journey is a never-ending rollercoaster of ups and downs, but we are all getting lots of positive up moments right now. Yay for stable cervixes and strong heartbeats!

I had my last cervical check this week and my cervix is still strong at over 3cm. I'm updating my other post in a moment, just because I was disappointed with some of the care I received. But the little stinker is moving around much more so that is reassuring.

Take care! Only days until we are at week 24 :)

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Thank you both! It is reassuring to know that this is standard practice; the specialist doctor who was critical of the abdominal U/S being used made me doubt my OBGYN which is unfair, because she has been awesome! I probably would have lost this little stinker in the ER if it hadn't been for her quick action.

I think my concern is that being a first-timer, I'm not always sure if something is a preterm labor symptom or a regular ache/pain. For example, I have had some back pain today. I don't want to run to L&D because of it, but I also don't want to dismiss it as normal just in case. It's so hard to decide what is best. I have become incredibly anxious again.

OBmom - it is so reassuring to have a professional on here! I read on your post that things are going well for you and you're getting closer and closer to the big day! That's so exciting! But please don't leave us just yet! ;)

EnglishRose23 - I think of you often, since there is only a day or two between us. Can you believe we are almost at week 22 already?! It seemed so far away when this all began.

Thanks again, ladies. Have a great weekend!

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Preterm Labor: Anything and Everything / Ultrasounds after week 24?
« on: April 10, 2018 at 11:41 PM »
Hi all,

I was hoping I could get some advice or at least, some other perspectives on this.

Story so far: threatened miscarriage at week 13, went to ER with bleeding, diagnosed with IC and funneling. Emergency cerclage and modified bed rest ever since. Bi-weekly ultrasounds have shown varied cervical lengths, but all above 3cm.

We had our Level II ultrasound two weeks ago and everything was great. The specialist there was concerned that my regular OBGYN has not been doing ultrasounds vaginally since stomach ones are less reliable. But I also know my regular OBGYN has been trying to limit anything "down there". They did a transvaginal U/S and cervical length was between 3.5cm and 3.8cm. All great.

I went back to our regular OBGYN office this week (we rotate through docs) and saw someone new. The doctor who did my cerclage has always insisted on the modified bedrest, but this other doc said she would like me to get up and move around more. Drive short distances, do simple chores, go for short walks, rest sporadically etc. I am a little nervous about this, since I think my good cervical lengths have been down to me resting for most of the day. Thankfully, my husband agreed that I should probably not take this advice too literally; I will move enough to avoid blood clots but still rest as much as I can.

My greatest concern is that after my next appointment in two weeks (week 23), this doctor said I will not be getting any more cervical checks/no more ultrasounds. She said that after 24 weeks, the cervical length checks are not as useful. I asked about other measures - progesterone, FFN checks etc and she said because my length has been good and because I have had no preterm labor symptoms, those things are not needed.

I know I SHOULD feel like this is good news - that I am maybe getting the chance to have a somewhat "normal" pregnancy, but I cannot help feel that all of my safety nets are suddenly being taken away. I know I still have the cerclage, but I still feel so far from any real milestone for a healthy baby. Should I be THAT woman and be more pushy when I go back to the doctor's in two weeks? (I'll be seeing someone new again) I am terrified that the moment the doctors stop checking, my cervix is going to fail again.

Thanks in advance.

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: So Scared.
« on: March 29, 2018 at 01:11 PM »
BeautifullyMade,

I completely understand and feel for you. This is the scariest time. I am also at 19 weeks; my second pregnancy but my first to reach the second trimester. I was diagnosed with funneling in week 13 and was given an emergency cerclage. I too felt (and still feel at times) that my body is a failure. But I also remind myself that no matter how badly I feel about myself, I fell pregnant and my baby is still growing, so for all its faults, my body is still doing something right. When all this happened and my feelings were raw, I was negative and resentful. I had to make a conscious effort to concentrate on what I can control. I cannot stop my cervix from failing, but I can rest, I can stay hydrated, I can eat healthy foods (with the odd treat because, you know, bed rest is hard!) and I can give myself positive affirmations. Each night, I would tell myself that we were one step closer. I would set myself short goals - to the following weekend, to the next ultrasound etc., and celebrate each of those. Now, I feel able to make longer goals: My friend in KS and I are going to have a virtual ice cream date when I get to week 28, because that is when she is scheduled to move house. Little things like that help me move my thinking away from the negative side of things. Of course, I still worry and cry and do all of those things and I am 6 weeks into this journey. It will get better.

I am so glad soccersweeetie shared her story. The success stories on here give me so much hope. Stay strong, mama!

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: New to this
« on: March 24, 2018 at 02:50 PM »
Hey all!

Update: had a sudden gush of fluid this week after getting up from the bed and went into panic mode. Doctor saw me a few hours later and thankfully, it was nothing serious. Turns out I may have a bladder infection and the movement, combined with the little stinker pushing his/her feet into my bladder, was probably me peeing myself without realizing. Isn't pregnancy the best?! On the plus side, we got another ultrasound and saw our little one! AND my cervix is up to 5.4cm! Since being on bed rest, it has lengthened considerably.

Week 19 tomorrow and then our Level II ultrasound next week. We are almost at our first milestone - it seemed so far off when we were in the hospital. Keeping my mind positive that our journey continues to go well.

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What's Your Story? Tell us. / Re: Short Cervix Success Story
« on: March 24, 2018 at 02:37 PM »
Thank you, Taylor! This is such a wonderful story and was much-needed! My cervix is dynamic too - mine hovered around 3cm for a while but is now up to 5.4cm! Crazy! Bed rest is certainly not a great time and when there is a long road ahead (I'm 19 weeks tomorrow), it can be overwhelming. Your story has given me a lot of hope.

Thanks also for mentioning the strain it put on your relationship. It alleviated some of my concerns. My husband is doing an amazing job but it is hard not to get annoyed and stressed with him. I thought I was just being a brat. He keeps coming home each night so he must love me enough to put up with the mood swings!

Congratulations on your little boy! Our realistic goal is 28 weeks so like you, I really hope we are surprised by week 30 and beyond! Enjoy your little one! :)

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