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Author Topic: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!  (Read 6207 times)

babyrom

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I had my consultation with the NICU today.  I am currently 24w4d and I guess since I am now viable this is part of procedure to prepare parents for the possibility of a pre-term birth.  But in my case the they are not saying that it "could" happen  but that it "will" happen.  My perinatologist doesn't think I will make it past 32 weeks; the neonatologist doesn't see me getting to 30 weeks! What do these doctor's know that I don't know??  So far I have the stitch in and the cervic is holding stable at 1.24cm, it is not open, dialeted or anything.  Why are they being so pessimistic?? It makes me angry that they are telling me this.  Sure I have to be prepared and ready, but I would still like to hold on to hope and try to have a positive outlook.  But it just sounds like that are telling me not to get my hopes up!  I have heard from so many women on this forum and others who pull through against the odds and make it to term.  Okay, I am not expecting a term delivery, but I would like to be able to aim for longer than 30 weeks!!  I am determined to keep this baby cooking and prove them all wrong.  It just makes me sad and mad that they have to be so negative.
Plus, on top of this the neonatologist gave us the nitty gritty reality on all the disabilities that come with a preemie.  Sheesshhhh, why add to my worries???  I know there are risks, I just don't need to hear it right now, let's cross that bridge when "if" we come to it.
Anyone else experience anything like this in their care?
Due Date - Sept. 30/11 - A little boy!
Two angel babies - Baby Marina born March 1/03 at 20 wks cause unknown. Baby Aimee born Feb.17/08 at 16wks after failed elective cerclage.
This Pregnancy:  Cerclage placed on May 5/11 been on bedrest since.
Natural Conception at 43!  Baby due on my 44th Bday

ellie-beth-l

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2011 at 07:52 AM »
Hi babyrom,
Yes the Dr's can be like that sometimes, i found when my waters's broke at 20 weeks when i stayed in the hospital for a week before developing an infection and having to deliver, that i had totally mixed messages from the Dr's i saw so many of them and they all had different hopes for me, one or two where so negative that it broke my heart and i had to accept that it was inevitale that i would lose my second baby, my first was stillborn at 40.3 weeks, which we think was due to the cord as nothing else found and the cord was around his neck. I really have had no luck and i am now 12 weeks pregnant, they are keeping an eye on my cervix and it is measuring 2.5 for the last 4 weeks, i am going every two weeks to have it measured and we will decide at 14 weeks if i should have the cerclage. But its horrible seeing so many Dr's and them all being so negative, maybe you will speak to some different Dr's along the way who will have a more optomistic look out for you. I would say that you have every reason to be positive, we are all differnet with different cervix lenghts and you are on bed rest with the stich in, from what the Dr's told me 32 weeks is a very good target for you to get to and you have had your waters for the most vital time for lung development, i think the outlook is very good for your baby so please try not to get stressed or upset too much, keep your chin up and stay possitive, ask as many questions as you can and ask why they have these negativaties about you. Also don't let them keep telling you about the disability risks, now you have been told tell them, i have already been through this thank you and i want to here some possative possabilities for gestation's as well.
Good luck and keep us posted on here about how you are doing.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2011 at 02:08 PM by ellie-beth-l »

momofbabyblue

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2011 at 07:49 PM »
It is SO frustrating when the doctors are so negative. I understand that they need to let us know what could happen, but why not mix in some of the success stories? My high risk docs were the worst at being negative & I always dreaded those appointments (I don't have to see them anymore!) whereas my regular OB was much more positive and encouraging, telling me a few success stories that gave me more hope and strength to continue with bedrest and helped to keep my morale up. I had a cerclage put in at 22 weeks and by 26 weeks I was funneled to the stitch. That left me with about half of a centimeter left of my cervix. I'm now 32 weeks 5 days and still pregnant!

There's no reason to give up hope that you could make it several more weeks!
due 8/1 - a girl
Mom to Blue, born 10/7/09 @ 37 weeks
Bedrest @ 22 weeks due to short cervix

HeatherGayle

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #3 on: June 15, 2011 at 11:57 PM »
I totally get you!

I was diagnosed with chronic hypertension at 11 weeks, and my obgyn told me that if we got to 32 weeks, "we'd be laughing". I was shocked and totally didn't register that till days later...that is SO SO SO early! Then at 28 weeks, my bp spiked and I was admitted to the hospital, and was given steroids for baby's lungs and ready for a possible induction! Things settled down, and my Dr said, "Ok, your new goal is 30 weeks!" That came and went. My next goal is 32 weeks - which is in two days! - and my Dr recently changed her tune to say that she thinks I can make it to 35 weeks, but likely not past that.

The thing is, doctors don't really know. They don't! They know what they have seen in the past, or read in a textbook or study, but they just simply don't know. If they waffled back and forth we would lose faith in them.

Try to stay strong and pay attention to all of your doctor's knowledge and experience, but BELIEVE in yourself and your baby. You can do it! :)

Alice

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2011 at 05:47 AM »
I know exactly what you mean - I know they think you have to prepare for the worst, but how exactly do you do that?  If the worst happens then you find a way to deal with it because you have to, but in the meantime you need to stay strong and being positive is the very best way to do that. 

No one ever knows how anything in life's going to turn out, but you can sure waste a lot of time worrying about it.  There's every reason to hope you will make it to 32 weeks, and if you do then things will probably be absolutely fine, so what would you have gained by being worried and upset in the meantime?

Doctors are notoriously pessimistic - don't dwell too much on what they say, just hang on to your hope and do things that make you happy, like getting stuck in to some funny movies/books. Personally I recommend Life of Brian and 'E' by Matt Beaumont (hopefully the humour is not too rude/UK-specific).

Alice
Lost beloved twin boys at 2 days, and one month, after preterm delivery at 27+4 in September 2010 and appalling medical care.

Healthy baby boy arrived at 33 weeks in July 2011 and is doing really well.

sarahker

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2011 at 09:42 AM »
I agree completely with previous posters - when I showed up to L&D at 24w3d (twins) having contractions 5 minutes apart w/shortened cervix, everyone was so negative about the possible outcome- everything was worst case scenario, and the nurses and doctors made me feel like it was inevitable that I would deliver within 48 hours.  My situation actually stabilized within hours of being admitted to the hospital, and I'm now 30 weeks today, and after 5 weeks in the hospital was finally released home.  Babyrom - You can totally do this, and don't let your doctors discourage you!  Keep focused on your next goal - 28 weeks, then 30 and keep going! 

I know it's not for everyone but I switched primary Ob/Gyns - I found that my original doctor was so negative that I was in tears every time she stopped by to visit me in the hospital, and would say things like I 'should make friends with the woman in the room next door because we'd probably be spending a lot of time in the NICU together' and make comments about other women she'd treated who didn't have a good outcome - not things that I wanted to hear!  I found that one of her partners was much more optimistic and kept joking with me about having to induce at 38 weeks, and was saying that he fully expected me to be one of their success stories- I recently switched my care to him, and have been feeling so much more confident in reaching my goal of 34 weeks - who knows maybe I'll even end up like McKoygirl and end up being induced?  I love this forum for all the success stories - women like McKoy girl remind me that we CAN do this. 

babyrom

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2011 at 01:45 PM »
Hi everyone,

Thanks for the words of encouragement, I really needed that.  I was in a funk the last few days after my last appointment, had a good cry, felt sorry for myself for awhile, but am now back on track and trying to stay positive.  I have decided that I am going to put in a formal complaint about this women who told me I wouldn't get to 30 weeks and that it was out of my control.  This women, the NICU consultant, wasn't even a doctor, so how can she go around talking to patients, who are in such a sensitive position, this way.  My perinatologist team has been great so far, and although they said I wouldn't make it to term, they certainly didn't day I wouldn't make it to 30 weeks.  I think the NICU consultant needs to be made aware that she is causing more damage than good by talking to patients like this.  My next dr's appointment is on Tuesday, 25 weeks today and looking forward to celebrating the 28 weeks mark soon!
Due Date - Sept. 30/11 - A little boy!
Two angel babies - Baby Marina born March 1/03 at 20 wks cause unknown. Baby Aimee born Feb.17/08 at 16wks after failed elective cerclage.
This Pregnancy:  Cerclage placed on May 5/11 been on bedrest since.
Natural Conception at 43!  Baby due on my 44th Bday

babyrom

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Re: Trying to stay positive.....why are the doctors so negative!!!
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2011 at 02:19 PM »
Just an update on this original post which I wrote when I was 25 weeks.  The NICU consultant told me I wouldn't make it to 30 weeks....well, I am now 32 weeks!!  So there!  I showed her...lol!   Just goes to show, no one can predict the outcome of your pregnancy.  Stay strong and stay positive ladies:)
Due Date - Sept. 30/11 - A little boy!
Two angel babies - Baby Marina born March 1/03 at 20 wks cause unknown. Baby Aimee born Feb.17/08 at 16wks after failed elective cerclage.
This Pregnancy:  Cerclage placed on May 5/11 been on bedrest since.
Natural Conception at 43!  Baby due on my 44th Bday