20 wks pregnant with identical twins, TTTS

[gabbyshell]

My mono/di twins are due 7/07/17. They were diagnosed with Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome and we had laser surgery at 19wk. After a week in Cincinnati (doctor wanted us close for a week following the surgery), we are home and trying to work out how to do this modified bed rest thing - we have a 2 story house and I'm only allowed to go up and down the stairs once a day. Twins reacted well to the surgery and both were in the normal range of amniotic fluid and hearts were normal at the follow up. Now my job is to keep them cooking as long as possible. My husband hasn't gotten approval to work from home yet, so I've been on my own yesterday and today. We have a dog, and since I'm unable to take him out to potty (we do not have a fenced in back yard), he is shut in our bedroom like I'm not home and I'm trying to be quiet while doing work from home and trying to move around as little as possible. I feel trapped in my own house. My husband is already exhausted and cranky with all the things he has to do now. So I feel like I can't complain to him. Ideally, he'll be working from home as well, and I can set up my "home office" in our bed (which has an adjustable base). In the meantime, when he just leaves me at home alone...I feel lost and helpless.

[ceecee31]

Hi Gabby - I'm not on bed rest at the moment but was last year due to a short cervix. My son is almost a year old actually.

So totally different medical reasons but the same bed rest struggles - isolation, depression, anxiety. Bed rest is brutal, for sure, but please know you can do this. You know what's weird, my husband and I were talking the other day about how our 16 weeks of bed rest just seems so surreal, like we almost forget that it happened.

A few thoughts - you need a bed rest nook!! You need to make a comfy and fun little corner where you'll be spending most of your time. And you and hubby need to call in reinforcements asap. Friends, neighbours, family, colleagues - now is not the time to be bashful or shy. And be concrete about how people can help because often folks are unsure about how to behave so they awkwardly avoid you thinking you need to rest. Just spell it out and you'll be surprised by how generous people will be.

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

[gabbyshell]

Thanks, it's just overwhelming at this point. We plan on getting my setup better for tomorrow - access to my work stuff, access to a fridge and microwave, with tv and books nearby as well.

[ceecee31]

It is so unbelievably overwhelming and scary but please know that this is a great place to connect with other people who've been there.

 The set up is a small thing but it makes a difference - it it did for me. Really the first few weeks are the absolute worst.

What is your support network like?

[gabbyshell]

My husband tries to be gone at work for only about 7 hours and he's able to take off days that I have doctors' appointments. I have a couple of stay-at-home mom friends who have come to take me out on errands and offered to cook or prepare meals. My mother-in-law and father-in-law are both retired and can help when needed. My family came to visit recently and cleaned our our house and other chores.  I have 2 friends who are currently on maternity leave who have offered to visit. I've had some friends reach out and send us giftcards to restaurants that deliver.

I've got a better work set up now, am working from home and getting in 5-8 hours/day. That helps keep me busy. But I don't have anything to talk about when my husband gets home and he keeps saying that I look unhappy. I don't know what to tell him about that.

Have an appointment with our OB specialist today, will get to see the babies. Looking forward to that.

[ceecee31]

It sounds like you've got a lot of awesome people I'm your life, which really makes a huge difference.

One perk about high risk pregnancies is the extra ultrasounds. I tried to enjoy them and appreciate that I had so many chances to see my little guy...even though I was always terrified going into them.

As for your husband, just be open and honest. I mean, you are on bed rest which just totally sucks. It's stressful and it's sad. I still feel like I never really got to enjoy the regular pregnancy things and sort of feel a wee bit jealous when I see my friends and family having such normal and active pregnancies. I often felt sad and angry at my body for letting me down. Plus you've got all the regular pregnancy hormones too.

 I'd just tell him that it's tough and your struggling. And that you know he is too. It's not easy for anyone really. But that it's getting better or it will get better. Which is true - as you get further along and you know your babies are getting stronger, it's still scary but the huge terror eases. He might need to talk too! It's super hard on partners as well...and sometimes they feel the need to be strong for us.

I'm not sure that any of this is helping but know that your not alone in your feelings and experiences.