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Author Topic: Not Your Typical Pregnancy (Its Harder Then I Thought It'd Be)  (Read 648 times)


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So this is my first time posting to any message board. I've been on and read thousands of different ones but never felt the need to join in and contribute until now.

Thought I'd go ahead and share my story in the hopes someone might relate, although I haven't found anyone yet that's been in my situation unfortunately. So I've been going through this blind. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. Lol.

I'm stuck married to a controlling man who thinks he owns me instead of married to me. We live with his even more controlling parents and our 4 children. I do talk to my family all the time, were very close but don't see them much cause I'm not aloud to have anyone over here and my husband refuses to let me have a car. So I really don't see to much of the outside world first hand. He knows the first thing I'd do if I had a car would be get a job, take my kids and move, so I doubt he will ever get me one.

My sister has chrons disease that attacked her female organs and she's been desperate for that baby that she's unable to conceive. So when I found out I was pregnant with #5 I knew there was no way I could bring another innocent baby in to this family but the thought of having an abortion made me sick. So I decided to carry the baby for her and my brother n law to adopt. I knew the pregnancy itself would be hard as I got a cone biopsy years ago which caused me to have preterm labor with both my younger boys. One was born at 31 weeks and the other at 32 weeks. But I figured itd be no big deal as I don't get to leave my house anyway and she wanted this so bad. She will be an amazing mom and gives this little guy a chance at a great life. So basically I'm pregnant with my nephew right now.

There was just one stipulation my husband had to get him to agree with signing the adoption papers and that was besides my immediate family no one was to know about the pregnancy or who my sister adopted the baby from. I consider myself tough and resilient due to the life I live, I found ways to not let my emotions get the best of me so in my mind this would be a piece of cake.

Boy was I wrong. I'm 28 weeks pregnant, on bed rest already due to my cervix measuring 1.78 already. The state won't qualify me for insurance cause my husband makes to much money so I've maybe gone to 3 Dr appts so far cause my husband has decided the best way to handle this is pretend I don't exist. Won't listen or talk to me about anything pregnancy related. Will not contribute a dime or even give me rides to appts. Because this was my decision the fact I'm on bed rest is my problem not his, won't help with the other 4 kids at all, comes home mad every night cause instead of taking care of the kids and cleaning the house I sit on my lazy ass all day and don't move while he works (excuse the language) but I'm scared if I'm up cleaning all day my water will break and something bad will happen to my sister's baby. She's so excited and I'm so scared I will cause something to go wrong. My mom and sister want me in bed period, they want to be here raising my kids and helping while I lay here and cook my nephew but there not aloud over here and my in laws who live in the basement don't even know I am pregnant.

Wow, sorry I feel like I'm just complaining lol. I am starting to doubt just how tuff I really am and feel like I didn't think this through. No insurance, no help for my kids, choosing between bed rest to protect this baby for my sister or cleaning and caring for my kids to keep my husband from yelling is making me crazy. Not to mention how lonely it is keeping something like this a secret I never planned on. I've been secretly locked in this one room of our house, cut off from every one I know in order to make sure no one finds out I'm pregnant at all. It's insanely isolating. Probably why I just joined my first message board lol.

Guess I was just looking for someone to talk to after all these months and if anyone ever experienced a high risk pregnancy as a surrogate. Is it always seem more stressful worrying about preterm labor not just for yourself but for the person's child u have inside of you.

My family keeps pushing for me to set up counseling or a psychiatrist, thinking after the birth this is gonna take a bigger toll on me then I think it will and I keep telling them once this baby is out and healthy In my sister's arms I'll be just fine to handle the emotional side.
God I hope I'm right about that cause it seems I've been so wrong about everything else pertaining to this pregnancy. Lol.

Sorry for the long post, nice to actually get some of that out and vent tho.  :D


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Re: Not Your Typical Pregnancy (Its Harder Then I Thought It'd Be)
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2018 at 07:56 AM »
I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say, other than my heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you. You're living an incredibly difficult life. Your husband and in-laws are horrible people. You are strong, for sure, but hopefully we can find a way for you to not have to be so alone in this.

It seems reasonable to me that your sister should pay for the medical bills related to her baby. Can you ask her about that? Is she able to drive you to appointments? Do you mind if I ask which state you live in? Maybe I could find some local resources for you for emotional support.

Hope to hear from you later today...  (((hugs)))


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Re: Not Your Typical Pregnancy (Its Harder Then I Thought It'd Be)
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2018 at 02:32 PM »

Just wanted to say you should be very proud of yourself for the incredible thing you are doing for your sister.

A lot of places offer resources to help women in abusive situations get away and start over. It doesn't need to be physical, what is happening to you counts just as much. You deserve better.

Do what you need to in order to keep you and your nephew safe till he's born and then I hope you find the support you need to take your children and leave this man.