Stuck in BedStuck in Bed

Author Topic: So Scared.  (Read 457 times)

BeautifullyMade

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So Scared.
« on: March 29, 2018 at 08:39 AM »
I am a first time mom. This is my first pregnancy. From the beginning this pregnancy has been difficult at 6 weeks I was diagnosed with a SCH. It resolved on its own by week 10. I went through severe sickness from week 8 to week 16.
I was finally feeling better, finally excited about my pregnancy. My anatomy scan came up on week 18. Found out my cervix was short. So devastated...I started my progesterone suppositories the same day I found out. A week later at my now weekly appointments my cervix is down from a 2.5cm to a 2.0cm with a little funneling in just a week. I am so terrified. I try to stay positive but it's hard. I really don't want to lose my baby. I feel like my body is failing her and that is just a feeling I can't describe.  I'm currently not on bed rest but majority of the time I make myself stay there. I'm hoping this all turns around. I know if anything bad happens people get through it but I've been through so much that this would just do it for me.

soccersweeetie

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2018 at 12:15 PM »
Hang in there mama. You are doing everything you can. This forum helped me so much during my last pregnancy. I read as many success stories as I could.  I was 20 weeks when I found out that I was funneling and no one was optimistic that I would be able to keep my baby cooking. They did put me in bed rest and decided that a clercage and a pessary were the best things to do.  The doctor told me after the surgery that I would be lucky to make it to 28 weeks. We made it to 37+1 and we have a beautiful 3 year old. Know that it is possible even when it doesn't feel like it. We are pregnant again and about 11 weeks along and we are hopeful for a different type of pregnancy this time around. I go in for surgery in two weeks so they can place another clercage. You got this mama. Keep her cooking as long as possible.

littlemissamanda

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2018 at 01:11 PM »
BeautifullyMade,

I completely understand and feel for you. This is the scariest time. I am also at 19 weeks; my second pregnancy but my first to reach the second trimester. I was diagnosed with funneling in week 13 and was given an emergency cerclage. I too felt (and still feel at times) that my body is a failure. But I also remind myself that no matter how badly I feel about myself, I fell pregnant and my baby is still growing, so for all its faults, my body is still doing something right. When all this happened and my feelings were raw, I was negative and resentful. I had to make a conscious effort to concentrate on what I can control. I cannot stop my cervix from failing, but I can rest, I can stay hydrated, I can eat healthy foods (with the odd treat because, you know, bed rest is hard!) and I can give myself positive affirmations. Each night, I would tell myself that we were one step closer. I would set myself short goals - to the following weekend, to the next ultrasound etc., and celebrate each of those. Now, I feel able to make longer goals: My friend in KS and I are going to have a virtual ice cream date when I get to week 28, because that is when she is scheduled to move house. Little things like that help me move my thinking away from the negative side of things. Of course, I still worry and cry and do all of those things and I am 6 weeks into this journey. It will get better.

I am so glad soccersweeetie shared her story. The success stories on here give me so much hope. Stay strong, mama!

reasontohope

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2018 at 07:46 PM »
Oh, I could have been you! Or you could have been me. I even had the SCH. If you read back through my post history you can read my full story (my first post has the most details). I ended up having my cervix go as low as 4 millimeters and I had a positive fFN at 24 weeks, all of it, but I ended up with a healthy baby girl born at 36 weeks.

I had a pessary, which I think was essential to our success because I went into labor almost immediately after they took it out. They have NO side effects (well, a bit of discomfort, but nothing dangerous). I got mine after dropping several millimeters in one week, like you. I got it instead of a cerclage.

Are you seeing a high risk doctor? A Maternal-Fetal Medicine specialist? (MFM) I recommend trying to see a practice that is affiliated with a university or teaching hospital. I feel like those are the most likely to be up-to-date.

That said, even a regular OB/GYN or nurse could place a pessary. Please ask for one!

Definitely the weeks from around 21-24 were the absolute worst, the most abysmal and frightening. To be honest, 24-28 were not much better because I was terrified of having a micropreemie who would suffer. Each day was a blessing and a miracle. I began to feel some of the weight lift at 29 weeks. Then it was suddenly 30, and they stopped doing cervical checks...from 30-36 I was still sad and stressed out, still processing the whole experience (from the SCH onwards), but it was not as frightening.

This is the best account of bedrest/a high risk pregnancy I've ever read: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/24/88-days-trapped-in-bed-to-save-a-pregnancy-bed-rest I can't even reread the first few sentences without tearing up. What the author went through is one of the harshest bed rest stories I've ever heard, but even she got her miracle.

Sending you all the best. This is a funny club to be in, but you're not alone. Hugs.


reasontohope

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2018 at 07:54 PM »
I also had an affirmation. I would chant to myself:

"My cervix is long and strong. My cervix is staying closed. My cervix is going to carry us to 36 weeks and beyond."

And...it did. I made it to 36 weeks and 3 days.

BeautifullyMade

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2018 at 10:25 AM »
Thank you all!! I'm learning how to respond to everyone on here. I think I'm doing it right lol. But from me going from 2.5 to 2.0 with funneling in a week I asked my doctor could I go ahead and get the Cerclage. She said it wasn't recommended for my cervix length but that didn't sit well with me. I don't wanna wait until it's too late. At my next visit I will definitely mention the pressary? Thank you all.

Lauren

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2018 at 02:35 PM »
This sounds so similar to our story. We are currently 19 weeks. Our last measurement just over a week ago showed that my cervix was measuring 1.3cm and that I was funnelled to the stitch. We decided to place a pessary as well to help distribute the weight of the uterus because I was losing length so quickly (3.5, 2.3, 1.8, 1.3 in 4 weeks).  My OBs keep reassuring me that the stitch is doing it’s job - the cervix is staying closed. This is the most important thing at this time.
It’s been a hard go. I’m on bedrest and am by myself for long parts of the day, and the pregnancy is never off my mind. Anxiously waiting for my anatomy appointment next Thursday, but terrified to hear further news about my cervix. I don’t know what’s worse- ignorance or knowledge at this point because there’s not much more that the doctors can do if this cerclage fails (I’m also at risk for infection due to other pregnancy factors).
Pregnancy with cervical insufficiency is no fun, and the second trimester is the hardest.
Know that there are many women who have gone through this before and that there are so many positive stories.
There is also a Facebook Group for women with IC that I have found incredibly helpful. You should check it out!
Wishing you all the best in your pregnancy, I hope it’s long and healthy!

kgkane

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2018 at 04:37 PM »
You got this moma! I’m here for a second round, same issues as you with my first and my second...my cervix was 1.7cm at 24 weeks.... with progesterone and “taking it easy” I’ve held strong at 1.7cm and am now 32 weeks.  Met my first goal of 28 weeks, almost at my 33 weeks goal.... then Onto 36 weeks!  If I can do it, you can do! 
It’s all worth it in the end, Hang in there!

reasontohope

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2018 at 09:10 PM »
Lauren, the "terrified to hear further news about my cervix" part you wrote really resonates. I really, really hated the cervical length checks (I started shaking before each one) and at one point asked if I could skip them or at least go biweekly, and instead just get the fFNs, but the doctor explained to me that if I *was* dilated, they could do things like give me another round of steroids or send me to the hospital and start the labor-stopping drugs... So I still dreaded them but at least felt like they were worth doing. (This was after 23 weeks, though.)

One thing that helped was asking for the screen that I could see to be shut off during the measurements. Not having to watch the tech do the measuring helped stop my panic attacks/shaking. I also asked a few times just to be told "there is cervix there" or "no cervical length left", and not hear the numbers (though I did look at them later when I was out of the office). The answer was always "there is cervix there." Focusing on the numbers was reallllly detrimental to my mental health during the weeks where they kept plunging below 1 cm.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2018 at 09:12 PM by reasontohope »

Lauren

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Re: So Scared.
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2018 at 01:35 AM »
@reasontonhope - thank you for th suggestion, that’s brilliant! I will definitely ask for them to turn off the screen and give me a general description: cervix or no cervix.
It will definitely decrease my anxiety:)