Mommy Is on Bed Rest

[Angela]

How are your children handling your bed rest?

This was one of the toughest things for me: How am I going to take care of my two-and-a-half year old? Is she going to "get mad" at Mommy for not being able to play the same games, to dance, or to take her to the park? And who is going to do the every-day things, like puttting her on the potty and making her meals?

Ultimately, it meant organizing a patchwork of a few sitters and several family members for 10 hours a day while my husband was at work. It was SO hard to feel like other people were raising my child while I just laid there. It did help that we moved a futon mattress into the family room so I could still be part of the action and there was room for my daughter too. And you know what, my daughter almost always chose spending time with me over anyone else. We played educational games on my laptop, we colored, we talked in Spanish, and we read A LOT. And I could still give her hugs, even though I wasn't able to pick her up during my pregnancy.

What activities are you doing with your child or children while on bed rest?

[marrys]

How has your daughter handled the new baby's arrival? Was she resentful of the pregnancy and your limited ability to interact during that time? Or did she take it in stride?

[plmommy]

This has been by far the hardest thing about being on bedrest. My daughter, Madison, is 2 1/2 and does not understand why mommy can't play with her or take care of her. It's been 6 weeks now and we still have 17 more to go. She has recently started acting out against anyone who isn't me that tries to take care of her (including daddy). Last night, and I thought my heart would literally break in half, she calls out in her sleep, " No! I want mommy!" Maddie was a preemie too - 30 weeker and we have always been extremely close! I was on hospital bedrest for 2 weeks over Christmas and as hard as it is now being home and in bed, it is nothing compared to being the hospital away from my family. We do play games, watch TV, talk and read books together. I'm trying to be grateful that I'm home and not complain or get down, but it's so hard. There's just so much I want to be doing with Maddie. Potty training, teaching her, taking her fun places, attending school functions and parties, spending good quality time that she'll remember before the baby comes. I just don't know what to do to make her understand or make it hurt less for her. The sad part is once this is done she'll have  a whole new issue of "new baby in the home" to deal with. I get really angry that she had to go through so much when she was born (8 weeks in the NICU) and now she has to deal with all of this too. It's just not fair and she doesn't deserve these struggles. Sorry for the vent, we had a really tough morning and it's just one of those yucky days.

[Angela]

I understand completely with so much of what you said! My daughter, who was also about 2 and a half while I was on bed rest was the same way. She started saying "I hate____ (insert name of caregiver here)!" And it didn't matter who it was. Same thing with the acting out; she liked to pull things off shelves, tables, etc. But, maybe that's just being  2, right? And she went through the mommy stage, too. Even now, she still wants mommy to do things, rather than daddy. So I try to look at it as a way for my husband and son to spend more time together.

One idea I have for you is to have other people spend time with her outside of the house. My DD and DH went to a train museum, the duck pond, and different things like that to take her mind off of what mommy could and couldn't do. And I made sure that mommy got dibs on doing any of the bed-friendly activities you mentioned: reading,, coloring,, Sesame Street games online, kid videos on YouTube, and even play-doh.

The potty-training thing bummed me out too. I had her down to diapers only at nap time, bedtime and for poopies, but all that went out the door. We did get back on track though, and now she uses a diaper at night and for Poopies (still!).

Looking back, I don't think she remembers bed rest at all. She didn't even notice when we took the futon that I had lived on for months out of the living  room! And the moment Maddie walks into the hospital to see you and the baby, all these weeks will melt away, and you will fall in love with Maddie all over again.

Feel free to post any time! Hugs,
Angela

[SusanFLA]

Morning PLmommy,
I just found this website and just read your post!  Don't be to hard on yourself, I am sure that like angela said she will hardly remember most of mommy being in bed at all.  Take care of yourself and do what you can to spend time with her, reading, online games, etc.  Sesame Street is actually my favorite of all time.  My son and I used to go on there all the time, he learned his abc's through a little game with Elmo. If you need someone to vent to, I too am on bedrest, I have 10 weeks to go to get to the safe 36 weeks which is my goal.  I am lucky, my son is 6 yrs old, so he is much easier. Well, good luck, catch up on some books and  movies, maybe write a journal of your experience, so that you can share it with your kids, they will appreciate it one day.
Smiles,
Susan