Stuck in BedStuck in Bed

Author Topic: Omg please help me!!  (Read 3119 times)

JValen999

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Omg please help me!!
« on: June 30, 2010 at 11:37 AM »
I am going insane.. practically everyday i "break the rules". i am on modified bedrest. at first my doctor said i could be up no more than 15 minutes out of the hour. my cervix measured good last appointment so she said if i needed to run to the market or somewhere i could (no more than a half hour and only 3 times a week max) so im not completely bed ridden but its still difficult. so anyways i always feel pressured into doing things i shouldnt. i cant just let the house go. im not a neat freak by any means but i literally had bugs in my shower so i went crazy and disinfected it for a half hour. which is not good considering i was already up before that to do my hair and brush my teeth and all that stuff. i can list a whole bunch of times ive broken the "rules" and i am plagued with guilt. The worst part of it is that i dont feel scared and guilty because my cervix is short but because its long and i am literally TERRIFIED its going to shrink. my mom used to help me clean and cook but shes busy with a new job and i dont want to bother her. my husband is amazing and already has to do so much more for himself (cook,laundry, etc.) there is not enough time in the day for him to do everything. and frankly, i am embarassed. i feel like a bad wife. im so miserable..i want to be hospitalized honestly so i can feel safe and let go of all this anxiety.

i lost my last pregnancy completely out of blue due to IC at 21 weeks. I am only 16 weeks now.

are any of you going through this? who helps you??

hoping4fullterm

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Re: Omg please help me!!
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2010 at 12:03 PM »
I hear ya, it is difficult!  I'm not on strict bedrest either - my OB hasn't given my specific guidelines like you have, but the biggest one is NO lifting!
My mom has been coming almost weekly to give the house a good clean, and DH does his best to keep up in between.  I feel guilty often too for probably doing more than I should - getting sucked in to loading the dishes into the dishwasher because I can't stand them on the counter any longer, etc.
We've been pretty fortunate that friends/family have been bringing meals for us.  I had one wonderful friend (who recently was on bedrest for a few weeks when pg w/ twins) who gathered meals from 10 different individuals (some I know, some I don't!) & brought all them over to our deep freezer!!!!  Bless her heart!!!!!  Every now & then people from church offer to bring a meal too.  But when those offers stop coming, will I have the guts to ASK people for help????  I don't know.  Everyone keeps emailing, calling, sending messages on Facebook, "If you need anything, let me know!"  It would be so much easier if they asked a specific...could I bring you a meal this week vs me having to call & ask them to do so :(
I've been on bedrest for 3 weeks now & am 23 weeks into this pg;  I hope to stay pg for at least another 13-14 weeks :), so I can't help but wonder, when will people grow tired of helping or forget that we're still in this situation??  My only thought is if it does get to that point, I have considered going to one of my good friends at work & rather than me asking a bunch of people for help, see if she could bring the topic up with coworkers, that we could really use help with a few meals, etc.  Otherwise I don't have any real great advice for you, but do know how you are feeling!!
Good lessons to learn when we are out of this situation & can learn to help others when they are in time of need!!

As far as your cervix....My OB was quite confident that my issue w/ my previous pg (born at 26 weeks) was not due to IC; but we're watching to be safe.  Mine was great this time at 18 weeks when we started measuring - as good as 4.4 cm.  I was elated, thinking thank goodness, my cervix isn't going to be an issue!!  But with each check (every 2 weeks) it has gotten shorter, at my last check it had lost a full cm - now at 3.3 cm (at 22 weeks).  I'm fearful to find out where it will be next week when I'm 24 weeks.  So just a word of caution, especially if you have a known history of IC.

Luvmytieren

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Re: Omg please help me!!
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010 at 04:31 PM »
I'm with you!  I have been on bedrest for 4 months.  At first I was on strict lay down with feet up only get up to pee bed rest.  But the last month or so (I'll be 30 weeks Friday) the OB is comfortable with me getting up to get myself food or drink.  Give me an inch......  Last night I went to the Eclipse midnight premier!  My girlfriends brought a chair for me and made sure I wasn't walking.  Everything turned out fine but I felt guitly all last ngit!  I CHEATED!  It's the longest I have been out of the house in 4 months!!!!  But I have to tell you that my spirits are way up today!  Getting that bit of freedom felt great (now that it's the day after and I know baby is fine!).
As for day to day items, my husband and I have learned how to balance out things like cooking.  Ask your OB specific questions about activity.  For meals, I do prep work from the sofa (chopping veggies, etc.) and then my husband pulls a chair into the kitchen and we cook dinner together about 2-3 nights a week.  My OB is fine with this as long as I am not sitting upright too long.  But I had to ask.  Doing these "normal" things helps you to feel like yourself again.  My husband also does the laundry but I do the folding from bed or the sofa so I feel like I am still helping- even though I usually hate laundry!  I get the urge to clean and my husband busted me cleaning the kitchen counters the other night.  Oopsie!
I don't think we are bad moms for wanting to take care of our homes and do normal things.  I know for me, my identity was wrapped up for the last 14 years in who I was as an employee, wife and mother.  To have all 3 taken away has been devestating.  So we are learning how to get it back bit by bit until baby comes.  Just ask specific questions to your OB and he/she will let you know what is safe.  You are all good moms making major sacrifices for your baby!  Take care!

Margaret

krissta_lianna

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Re: Omg please help me!!
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2010 at 12:29 AM »
From 23 weeks until 31 weeks I was on modified bedrest and thought it was the end of the world.  At 31 weeks due to a really short cervix (1.5) I am now on complete bedrest.  This sucks even worse.  I was naughty also when I was on modified bedrest.  Now I wonder if I would have behaved more, that this complete bedrest thing wouldn't have had to happen.  As much as it sucks that everything falls on your husbands shoulders, or your floors need vaccumed, or your bathtub needs cleaned--- oh well.  All of those things will be waiting when you are finally unrestricted.  I wish I would have listened more, because this situation is much worse than it was.  I would feel so guilty about laying around and making my husband do EVERYTHING, including worrying about work and finances, making me dinner, taking care of the dogs, etc.  But we have an important job, too.  Even though it may not seem like it at times.  I just had my second betamethasone shot today.  I'm really praying my baby will hold out for at least another month.  Take my advice and follow your modified instructions.  Complete bedrest is awful.

betterbedrest

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Re: Omg please help me!!
« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2010 at 12:35 AM »
Hello all. I hear you all. I know its hard being on bedrest, especially after you have had a prior loss. Until you literally pass that "week" of the prior loss it can be very scary. Scary enough that it's difficult to emotionally attach to the current pregnancy. Just know that each day is a day closer to your goal. Bedrest is temporary...and some days it does suck and others are great. Many callers to Better BedRest have a calendar and marking off days is a good visual. Also using that calendar to "control" your life is useful as so much of one's life is out of their control, since you can't do anything! You can control your visits with friends, plan a baby shower with 1-1 visits, get catelogs in the mail, learn to knit..talk to other bedrest moms on here. There are somethings you can control. There are also 24 hotlines in most cities where if you are up at an odd hour or even during the day with no one around...a compassionate ear is on the other end of the phone. Most 24 hour hotlines are professionals these days and are very well trained. I have used them in the past as well. Don't keep all the worry inside...use your support systems! This is a wonderful site and I have just discovered it and look forward to talk to more of you all.

Joanie
Better BedRest